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Dr.
Ralph: Some of The Most Powerful
Causes of Anxiety, Fear, Stress, Frustration, Anger,
Guilt & Panic are Caused by Family, Marriage &
Relationship Difficulties.
I thought I'd leave You a non clinical list of different kinds
of
issues for to look through and see if anything strikes a
chord with you...
Your
Marriage ~ Family ~ Relationships ~ Feelings ~ Thoughts:
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When you need
relief and direction.
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Two Different
Worlds...We Live In...
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When you're
drifting apart, something's missing...
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I don't know
him anymore. Who are you, my spouse?
How can we have changed so much over the years?
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You're different now. I mean a
really different person than the
one I thought I married. I'm confused, afraid, lost, disappointed...
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When there are confidential and personal issues, serious decisions and major changes needing
attention.
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When you feel like
you're doing it all alone.
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I'm afraid. I'm
confused. What do I do with this?
I know I care but I don't think I'm in love anymore.
But what's love anyway? What does it mean?
What's it supposed to feel like? What does it really feel like?
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We're not talking,
sharing or communicating.
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I feel walled off.
No one's listening anymore.
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When you're sad, depressed and lonely.
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When you're feeling hurt and disappointed.
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I'm not heard,
valued, appreciated or understood.
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Yes that's it, there's no
gratitude, just expectations.
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I'm always wrong.
It seems everything's my fault.
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I'm really
frustrated. I just can't seem to get through.
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There have been so
many broken dreams and promises.
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I hate the times
of silences, bickering and tension.
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I don't think I
can handle this heartache much longer.
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I try so
hard to give but I end up being hurt
and used.
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I
think that I'm just about at the end of my patience.
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I
don't think I can handle this heartache much longer.
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I've been sad, lonely and disappointed for too long.
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I'm terrified of being alone and
worse abandoned.
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It just seems so
hopeless. Is there any chance for us?
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Just where
are we headed or will we ever be...
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Where do we go? What do we do? How
do we fix this?
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We've been married a few
years or a few decades,
there are times when I see we are on different wave lengths or
have different priorities or more scarily, I'm terrified that we
don't have very much in common anymore. God Helps Us!
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I
understand disease and sickness but my spouse
refuses to get treatment. The children are hurting.
We never know what to expect. It's also always
my fault for not understanding a poor, sick person.
I'm being manipulated and handed guilt trips.
I realize now that I also have a problem.
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Do you have any idea how much you
hurt me?
Sometimes I think you just don't have a clue.
Anger, degradation, sarcasm, comparison with others...
Sometimes I think you are cruel and selfish.
Sometimes, even though I an suffering from
your treatment of me, I feel very sorry for you.
Am I sick or co-dependent or something to take this.
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When you need to work through a divorce and don't want your children to suffer...
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I remember when we were first
married. What happened to that?
Yes I realize we're not adolescents anymore, lol, but there are some
basic things we were and did that I miss very much.
Can we realistically recapture that?
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Retiring Soon or Retired Now...Good
Full Life...Kids All Grown...
Say, I Remember You, but it's been a long, long time...
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I don't know if I know you anymore?
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I am not your ex-wife! or I am not
your ex-husband.
Why an I paying for your past marriage?
Why do you still have emotional baggage with your ex?
I see you're still angry, or is it hurt or is it, hung up with
some unresolved feelings. I'm afraid you're still
in love...
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I have a personal (or secret)
emotional problem and I'm suffering
with it and I didn't realize it, but now I see, it's not fair, but my
spouse
is paying for it. It's time to get it out in the open or get it
fixed!
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We do not communicate anymore, you
know, really get through.
We just don't understand each other.
I don't know if we're even capable of
a reasonable conversation anymore.
He doesn't understand me.
She doesn't understand me.
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I do it all! Knock , knock, is
anyone interested in helping?
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One is very in charge and in
control of everything.
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I'm terrified to complain or say
anything about this.
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I work hard to support this family.
My dad taught me this.
I love you all very much. What else do you want from me?
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Workaholic...
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Wife's Profession is a threat.
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One is growing by leaps and bounds,
professionally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. and the other is not.
Who is disappointed. Who is threatened. Who is afraid of abandonment?
Who is Lonely?
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I don't want you to advance and
leave me behind!
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Is this a: one is the parent
and one is the child marriage?
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One is romantic and intimate and
the other is cold and not affectionate.
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Pressures: Career, Work and Travel
Demands, Finances,
Life Style Changes, Moves to A Different Location,
Children, Step
Children and Being the Real Parent and
Being the Step Parent, Long Term Spousal or Family Member:
Chronic Illness, Handicap, Ongoing Worries or Problematic
Pressures...
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When there are parenting problems, stepparent
troubles or a new family and life to adjust to.
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A mother, father or family member
that has too much to say about your marriage and how it Should be
and too much influence on you and your spouse's relationship.
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A Powerful, GUILT PRODUCING Family
Member...
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A Mother's Devoted Son ~ A Father's
Daughter or
Daddy's Little Girl. No, It's a good and healthy if normal, but not
if it controls or rules your love and relationship with your spouse.
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Mother's devoted Son type
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Father's Daughter or daddy's Little
Girl.
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One is clean or obsessive and or the other is a
not or a pig.
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One is emotional, reactive or even
hysterical and
the other is easy going and laid back or even apathetic.
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Never stops talking...no real
content...
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The Gossip:
I'm tired of hearing about everyone else's private matters...
drives up crazy...I avoid contact as much as possible.
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Never wants to say much... I want
to communicate and
know you and what you are thinking and who you are.
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Degrading, mistrust and insulting
my integrity and hurting me deeply by a paranoid, angry and
accusing checking my
personal stuff, mail handbag, post office box. Finding Disillusioned & Ridiculous EVIDINECE of
My Unfaithfulness. Accusing me of an affair.
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I
am regularly insulted by
being questioned about my every
move when I'm not
with my spouse. It's like a prison without walls. I can't take much more of this.
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I'm having an affair and feel justified in it
or
I'm having an affair and feel very regretful for it.
Should I Confess... Should I Divorce?
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always getting in to arguments and
having problems with other people particularly in public and complaining about services of products or
services, etc.
I just want to run away or " I don't know this person!!!
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and public anger
and embarrassing situations...
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Questions, Fear and Distrust,
It just seems so hopeless. Is there any chance for
us?
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God Can Fix Anything...Note from
Pastor Ralph.
If
you can relate to some of the feelings and thoughts
listed
above and you'd like to make some changes and get relief,
You can contact me through our
* Home Page Directory.
Marriage
Verses:
Gen.2:18, 24. The Lord God said, " It is not good for
man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him." For this
reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh."
Eph. 5:23: "The husband is the head of the wife as
Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior."
Eph. 5:25: "Husbands, love your
wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
Col. 3:19: " Husbands, love your wives and
do not be harsh with them."
1 Peter 3:7: "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your
wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs
with you in the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your
prayers."
Evidently, a man's prayers and whether God answers them or not depends
on how he treats his wife.
Gal. 5:15. " If you keep on biting and devouring each other,
watch out or you will be destroyed by each other."
Eph. 5:22-24 " Wives, submit to your husbands as to
the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head
of the Church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the Church
submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in
everything."
1 Peter 3:1-2 Wives, in the same way be submissive to
your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may
be won over without any talk by the behavior of their wives, when they
see the purity and reverence of your lives.
1 Corinthians 7 NIV
Marriage
1Now
for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a
man not to marry.
2But
since there is so much immorality, each man should
have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
3The
husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife,
and likewise the wife to her husband.
4The
wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to
her husband. In the same way, the husband's body
does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
5Do
not deprive each other except by mutual consent and
for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to
prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will
not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6I say
this as a concession, not as a command.
7I
wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his
own gift from God; one has this gift, another has
that.
8Now
to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good
for them to stay unmarried, as I am.
9But
if they cannot control themselves, they should
marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with
passion.
10To
the married I give this command (not I, but the
Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.
11But
if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be
reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not
divorce his wife.
12To
the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any
brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is
willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.
13And
if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and
he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce
him.
14For
the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through
his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been
sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise
your children would be unclean, but as it is, they
are holy.
15But
if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing
man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God
has called us to live in peace.
16How
do you know, wife, whether you will save your
husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you
will save your wife?
17Nevertheless,
each one should retain the place in life that the
Lord assigned to him and to which God has called
him. This is the rule I lay down in all the
churches.
18Was
a man already circumcised when he was called? He
should not become uncircumcised. Was a man
uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be
circumcised.
19Circumcision
is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping
God's commands is what counts.
20Each
one should remain in the situation which he was in
when God called him.
21Were
you a slave when you were called? Don't let it
trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom,
do so.
22For
he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is
the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free
man when he was called is Christ's slave.
23You
were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men.
24Brothers,
each man, as responsible to God, should remain in
the situation God called him to.
25Now
about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but
I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is
trustworthy.
26Because
of the present crisis, I think that it is good for
you to remain as you are.
27Are
you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you
unmarried? Do not look for a wife.
28But
if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a
virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who
marry will face many troubles in this life, and I
want to spare you this.
29What
I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From
now on those who have wives should live as if they
had none;
30those
who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy,
as if they were not; those who buy something, as if
it were not theirs to keep;
31those
who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed
in them. For this world in its present form is
passing away.
32I
would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried
man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can
please the Lord.
33But
a married man is concerned about the affairs of this
world—how he can please his wife—
34and
his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or
virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her
aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and
spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the
affairs of this world—how she can please her
husband.
35I
am saying this for your own good, not to restrict
you, but that you may live in a right way in
undivided devotion to the Lord.
36If
anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the
virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along
in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should
do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get
married.
37But
the man who has settled the matter in his own mind,
who is under no compulsion but has control over his
own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry
the virgin—this man also does the right thing.
38So
then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he
who does not marry her does even better.
39A
woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives.
But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone
she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
40In
my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she
is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
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1 Corinthians 7 KJV
1Now
concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It
is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2Nevertheless,
to avoid fornication, let every man have his own
wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
3Let
the husband render unto the wife due benevolence:
and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
4The
wife hath not power of her own body, but the
husband: and likewise also the husband hath not
power of his own body, but the wife.
5Defraud
ye not one the other, except it be with consent for
a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and
prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt
you not for your incontinency.
6But
I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
7For
I would that all men were even as I myself. But
every man hath his proper gift of God, one after
this manner, and another after that.
8I
say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is
good for them if they abide even as I.
9But
if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is
better to marry than to burn.
10And
unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord,
Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11But
and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be
reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband
put away his wife.
12But
to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother
hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased
to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13And
the woman which hath an husband that believeth not,
and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not
leave him.
14For
the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife,
and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the
husband: else were your children unclean; but now
are they holy.
15But
if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother
or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but
God hath called us to peace.
16For
what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save
thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether
thou shalt save thy wife?
17But
as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord
hath called every one, so let him walk. And so
ordain I in all churches.
18Is
any man called being circumcised? let him not become
uncircumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let
him not be circumcised.
19Circumcision
is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the
keeping of the commandments of God.
20Let
every man abide in the same calling wherein he was
called.
21Art
thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if
thou mayest be made free, use it rather.
22For
he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is
the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called,
being free, is Christ's servant.
23Ye
are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of
men.
24Brethren,
let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide
with God.
25Now
concerning virgins I have no commandment of the
Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath
obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful.
26I
suppose therefore that this is good for the present
distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be.
27Art
thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art
thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.
28But
and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a
virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such
shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
29But
this I say, brethren, the time is short: it
remaineth, that both they that have wives be as
though they had none;
30And
they that weep, as though they wept not; and they
that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they
that buy, as though they possessed not;
31And
they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the
fashion of this world passeth away.
32But
I would have you without carefulness. He that is
unmarried careth for the things that belong to the
Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33But
he that is married careth for the things that are of
the world, how he may please his wife.
34There
is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The
unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord,
that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but
she that is married careth for the things of the
world, how she may please her husband.
35And
this I speak for your own profit; not that I may
cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely,
and that ye may attend upon the Lord without
distraction.
36But
if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely
toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her
age, and need so require, let him do what he will,
he sinneth not: let them marry.
37Nevertheless
he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no
necessity, but hath power over his own will, and
hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his
virgin, doeth well.
38So
then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but
he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.
39The
wife is bound by the law as long as her husband
liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at
liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the
Lord.
40But
she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment:
and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.
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If
you can relate to some of the feelings and thoughts
listed
above and you'd like to make some changes and get relief,
You can reach Me through My Contact Link Below.
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